Speaking my Mind – I

It’s going to be a little bit of an unusual blog. Since I usually don’t like to discuss my personal life publically, but this time I just need to let it out somehow. You can’t hold everything back right?
Long time ago I prayed for something very badly, I just wanted to have it. Eventually I got it and I was so happy to have it. As the time passed I realized that even though after getting it, I am still not happy, because technically I got what I wanted but I still didn’t get it. And now after all these years, I regret praying for that thing. This thing has made my life hell. I wanted it so bad and I was so young that I didn’t know that sometimes what looks good isn’t always good. I can’t even ask god to take it back because it’s only going to make things worse.
 At this stage of my life, I want so many things so bad but I am hesitant to pray for them because I think if I don’t have something that I want, maybe I don’t have them for a good reason. Prayers have kind of disappointed me in a bad way that I really don’t want to pray for anything anymore.