Speaking my Mind – I

It’s going to be a little bit of an unusual blog. Since I usually don’t like to discuss my personal life publically, but this time I just need to let it out somehow. You can’t hold everything back right?
Long time ago I prayed for something very badly, I just wanted to have it. Eventually I got it and I was so happy to have it. As the time passed I realized that even though after getting it, I am still not happy, because technically I got what I wanted but I still didn’t get it. And now after all these years, I regret praying for that thing. This thing has made my life hell. I wanted it so bad and I was so young that I didn’t know that sometimes what looks good isn’t always good. I can’t even ask god to take it back because it’s only going to make things worse.
 At this stage of my life, I want so many things so bad but I am hesitant to pray for them because I think if I don’t have something that I want, maybe I don’t have them for a good reason. Prayers have kind of disappointed me in a bad way that I really don’t want to pray for anything anymore.

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Aftab S. Alam
    Jun 12, 2012 @ 13:28:50

    Interesting! Try praying without asking for anything. It is great experience and fulfilling and satisfying as well. Try praying without any wishes and you’ll find energized to pursue your desires and would have strength to live even without acquiring what you pursuing. Try it.


  2. amerbail
    Jun 12, 2012 @ 21:41:36

    I do that now. I don’t make dua after namaz like most people do. It feels good when you do something selflessly, even if it’s a prayer or something else.


    • Aftab S. Alam
      Jun 13, 2012 @ 13:12:48

      You are right, it does feel good, when you do good for its own sake. I’m not much into praying etc. i.e. strictly following / observing mullah precribed rituals, where how yopu pray becomes more important than the praying itself. For me praying is my submission, my putting down my head and acceptance of my limitations and my intent and conscious effort to live a life with as little as possible so that I can minimize various lusts of acquiring this or that.


      • Saqlain Sikander
        Jan 19, 2013 @ 09:17:16

        I am saddened when i read comments like yours. How Salah can satisfy you unless you pray (or at least try to pray) the way the prophet did? How you pray is equally important to the prayer itself. “Deeds (their correctness and rewards) depend upon intentions, and every person gets but what he has intended” this hadith (if you beleive in hadith at all and don’t consider it a mullah conspiracy) does not give you a go-ahead to do whatever you want to because the prophet also said, “…Verily he among youwho lives [long] will see great controversy, so you must keep to mySunnah and to the Sunnah of the rightly-guided caliphs – cling to them stubbornly. Beware of newly invented matters, for every invented matter is an innovation and every innovation is a going astray, andevery going astray is in Hell-fire”.
        So, today, we see people, who say intentions are important than deed itself, offering Salah wearing shorts, exposing their knees and sisters leading the Salah and calling Adhan.
        اللهم يهديك ولنا

  3. Khanum
    Jun 16, 2012 @ 23:49:26

    hmmm… i know the feeling and this is what i learned.. sometimes we focus so much on what we want that we forget it may not be what we need. and thats exactly we r shown by God we r humans.. He knows what we need , we don’t.
    I’ll advice u my dear sis,.. hold on to God still. dont stop praying. Jus say I submit to your will. You know better I know not so give me what is better for me in dunya n akhirah..
    I hope u find peace with everythin in life. ameen.


    • amerbail
      Jun 16, 2012 @ 23:55:43

      Thanks for the advice, what i prayed for is what i needed, and if i didn’t have it i would’ve been complaining to god right now that why didn’t he give me that. It’s something that would’ve teased me both ways. Anyway he knows better of what’s good for me.


      • Khanum
        Jun 17, 2012 @ 09:34:50

        hmmm sure. Hum mai itni akal hoti tou hum khuda na hote 😦 .. buh we r humans. dunno what we want or who we r sumtimes..

        anyways. Stay blessed

  4. amerbail
    Jun 18, 2012 @ 03:36:47

    Thanks you too 🙂


  5. Writes2escape
    Jul 19, 2012 @ 22:15:46

    I really hope everything gets better for you!
    Just don’t stop praying to Him. Something of this sort happened to me once, and I was so angry, and full of resentment that it almost destroyed my faith. I got over it after a while, and things grew better. Alhamdulilah.
    If you’re hesitant about something, pray to Him to show you the right way. =)


  6. eva626
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 07:09:25

    you have quite a strange situation…maybe you should look at it in another way…it had to happen i guess (whatever it is), there has to be something that came out of it..a lesson learned? something you can reflect on maybe…or maybe its trying to steer you to another way of thinking…all in all everything happens for a reason. I dont think you should blame it on you making Dua’s…

    btw nice to meet you


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